Subscribers to this website (all monetary donations always welcomed), are now given exclusive access to the as yet published regulations relating to the Resumption of Cricket to be implemented by Hampshire Seniors and other athletic teams aged 50 years and over. Boris will formally announce them on the steps on 10 Downing Street on Sunday week. You may need a tissue ...
1. Players will arrive alone in their cars at 10.00am for a 1.00pm start.
2. They will come fully changed
3. If they wish to bring a wife or partner then they must travel in the other family car. Motor bikes and sidecars will be accepted, but must be completely sanitised.
4. Cars will be parked 6 feet from one another. Motor bikes will have their separate bays.
5. On disembarking from one’s motor, the player will assemble in front of the Clubhouse forming a circle with his team mates but adhering to social distancing.
6. The opposition will do the same.
7. Scorers will distance themselves from these groups.
8. The Umpires, both wearing sanitised gloves, will call for both Captains to step forward.
9. On this instruction both Captains (wearing sanitised gloves) will step forward and proceed to the middle for a toss. Apparently, a toss when using sanitised rubber gloves is quite sensual.
10. On arriving at the wicket and observing social distancing the foursome will see two white lines, one either side of the wicket which signifies that the batsman will run outside of those lines.
11. The Home Umpire will take from his pocket a sanitized a £2 coin and invite the visiting Captain to call.
12. If the visiting Captain wins the toss and decides to bat, both Captains will wish each other all the best. The Home Umpire will return the sanitized £2 coin to his pocket and ask the visiting Umpire which end he would like. I’ve always been a bit worried about that request [Ed].
13. The dressing rooms are out of bounds except for inserting one’s protective equipment and donning one’s pads but only one player at a time.
Toilets
14. Men’s toilets are open on a one-in-one-out arrangement. If the instructions in the toilet request you stay 6 feet away, it does not mean you stand 6 feet from the urinal and try and reach from an impossible distance.
15. Ladies toilets will remain closed : a wide necked bottle should be brought individually.
16. The Home side will take the field and all will wear sanitized gloves except the wicket-keeper who will wear traditional wicket-keeping gloves duly sanitized.
17. The Home Umpire will remove from his pocket a sanitised orange Dukes ball and toss it to the bowler.
18. The bowler will remove one glove from his bowling hand and procced to his mark.
19. The Umpire will not carry the bowler’s jumper or hat so whatever the weather it will be best to leave these items in your kit bag.
20. The non-striker will stand away whilst the Umpire gives his partner a guard.
21. The Umpire will then retreat 6 yards back from the stumps so as not to be near the bowler when he approaches the crease.
Long run up
22. If the bowler has an exceptionally long run, he can bend his run round the Umpire and have enough time to straighten his run before releasing the ball.
23. Being 28 yards from the batsman may give the Umpire problems when deciding on an LBW shout. He may have doubts, think it going down the leg-side, not sure if the batsman hit it or maybe just give a decision based on guesswork. This scenario is the only thing that won’t change as a result of the virus.
24. At the end of the over the ball shall be returned to the Umpire and the bowler will leave the field of play to put a sanitised glove on his bowling hand. This may take a while so a substitute fielder will take his place also wearing sanitised gloves. When ready the bowler can return to the field of play during an over.
25. The wicket-keeper will stand 6 feet back which will make stumping’s difficult but this won’t make any difference to The Viking. The keeper will also wear a sanitised protector which may make his eyes water initially but again this won’t make any difference to The Viking.
26. First slip will be third slip, second slip will be gully and gully will be deep point. There will be no square leg.
27. Only one fielder will be allowed to chase the ball at any one time.
High Fives
28. Fielding with the boot is allowed provided the boots have been sanitised before entering the field of play.
29. In the unlikely event of a bowlers taking a wicket, there will be no ludicrous high fives or back slapping, just ‘well bowled Charlie, well caught Bert’ or ‘see what happens when you bowl it straight Keith’.
30. The use of saliva on the ball is not allowed. Sweat is also banned but the chances of our bowlers working up a sweat is unlikely.
31. The Umpire, after calling over, will move to square leg at the same time sanitising his pebbles or counter.
32. After 10 overs the scorers, who are social distancing the other side of the ground, will shout ’10 overs’. The batsmen and fielding side will leave the field to replace their batting gloves, fielding gloves and wicket-keeping gloves although the latter might still have a certain amount of sanitizer on them. This will take place after 20 and 30 overs in a 40 over game.
33. The scorers will also sanitise their pens, pencils, crayons, rubbers and laptops after 10 overs.
34. In the event of rain all players, batting and fielding will return to their cars. The scorers will get soaking wet as they are miles from anywhere and the Umpires will be like coiled springs watching the weather from their cars.
Wine
35. If they decide play is possible players will take the field wearing sanitised gloves. Play will continue for 40 overs with breaks after 10 overs.
36. In the event of an opposition player scoring a 50 or 100 (which is likely when Hampshire 60s bowl first), they do not shake their hands or slap them on the back, ‘lucky bastard’ should be used instead.
37. Each player must bring their own tea. Tea will be taken after 40 overs with each Team, Umpires, Scorers socially distancing. The Kent players will be segregated into Players and Gentlemen. The Gentlemen will not be allowed to have their fag serve them tea. Players will eat their cheese sandwiches and water, Gentlemen will have a three course meal and wine.
38. After 45 minutes the Umpires will call ‘Time’ and the opposition will take the field wearing sanitised gloves and boots. The opposition had a left-arm over which led to some confusion when the batsmen ran a two. Both were on the wrong side of the wicket and collided. They had to leave the field, completely sanitise themselves and return to the wicket when a wicket fell as they had been replaced by the next two in the order.
Close of play
39. Play ends after 40 overs. Stumps, bails, circle markers were left for the groundsman to collect. Both teams formed a line facing one another 6 feet apart and gave each other the clap they richly deserved along with ‘well played’, ‘good game’, ‘lucky bastards’.
40. By this time it was 10.00pm, the bar was shut, showers not in use so the intrepid players sweating profusely, Umpires, Scorers got into their cars and drove home in pitch black vowing to return again next week as it had been so much fun.
41. The ECB directive for injured players has been made quite clear. If a fielder is injured with a broken finger, dislocated shoulder or other injury he is to self-administer first aid. If this is unsuccessful he will leave the field, be replaced by a sanitised substitute, and go to hospital.
42. In the event of one of the opposition batsman collapsing at the crease, the Home Captain will leave the field of play, collect his sanitised defibrillator lodged between the scorers knees for safe keeping (her knees had been duly sanitised), and place said defibrillator 6 feet from the collapsed player. That player would then inch his way to the defibrillator, remove the pads, adjust them on his chest and hit the shock button. If this fails and he passes out, one of his team mates should phone for an ambulance. On arrival the sanitised ambulance men would take away the stricken hero on a sanitised stretcher. After a moments contemplation the game will resume with two new batsman at the crease.
Any questions ?
1. Players will arrive alone in their cars at 10.00am for a 1.00pm start.
2. They will come fully changed
3. If they wish to bring a wife or partner then they must travel in the other family car. Motor bikes and sidecars will be accepted, but must be completely sanitised.
4. Cars will be parked 6 feet from one another. Motor bikes will have their separate bays.
5. On disembarking from one’s motor, the player will assemble in front of the Clubhouse forming a circle with his team mates but adhering to social distancing.
6. The opposition will do the same.
7. Scorers will distance themselves from these groups.
8. The Umpires, both wearing sanitised gloves, will call for both Captains to step forward.
9. On this instruction both Captains (wearing sanitised gloves) will step forward and proceed to the middle for a toss. Apparently, a toss when using sanitised rubber gloves is quite sensual.
10. On arriving at the wicket and observing social distancing the foursome will see two white lines, one either side of the wicket which signifies that the batsman will run outside of those lines.
11. The Home Umpire will take from his pocket a sanitized a £2 coin and invite the visiting Captain to call.
12. If the visiting Captain wins the toss and decides to bat, both Captains will wish each other all the best. The Home Umpire will return the sanitized £2 coin to his pocket and ask the visiting Umpire which end he would like. I’ve always been a bit worried about that request [Ed].
13. The dressing rooms are out of bounds except for inserting one’s protective equipment and donning one’s pads but only one player at a time.
Toilets
14. Men’s toilets are open on a one-in-one-out arrangement. If the instructions in the toilet request you stay 6 feet away, it does not mean you stand 6 feet from the urinal and try and reach from an impossible distance.
15. Ladies toilets will remain closed : a wide necked bottle should be brought individually.
16. The Home side will take the field and all will wear sanitized gloves except the wicket-keeper who will wear traditional wicket-keeping gloves duly sanitized.
17. The Home Umpire will remove from his pocket a sanitised orange Dukes ball and toss it to the bowler.
18. The bowler will remove one glove from his bowling hand and procced to his mark.
19. The Umpire will not carry the bowler’s jumper or hat so whatever the weather it will be best to leave these items in your kit bag.
20. The non-striker will stand away whilst the Umpire gives his partner a guard.
21. The Umpire will then retreat 6 yards back from the stumps so as not to be near the bowler when he approaches the crease.
Long run up
22. If the bowler has an exceptionally long run, he can bend his run round the Umpire and have enough time to straighten his run before releasing the ball.
23. Being 28 yards from the batsman may give the Umpire problems when deciding on an LBW shout. He may have doubts, think it going down the leg-side, not sure if the batsman hit it or maybe just give a decision based on guesswork. This scenario is the only thing that won’t change as a result of the virus.
24. At the end of the over the ball shall be returned to the Umpire and the bowler will leave the field of play to put a sanitised glove on his bowling hand. This may take a while so a substitute fielder will take his place also wearing sanitised gloves. When ready the bowler can return to the field of play during an over.
25. The wicket-keeper will stand 6 feet back which will make stumping’s difficult but this won’t make any difference to The Viking. The keeper will also wear a sanitised protector which may make his eyes water initially but again this won’t make any difference to The Viking.
26. First slip will be third slip, second slip will be gully and gully will be deep point. There will be no square leg.
27. Only one fielder will be allowed to chase the ball at any one time.
High Fives
28. Fielding with the boot is allowed provided the boots have been sanitised before entering the field of play.
29. In the unlikely event of a bowlers taking a wicket, there will be no ludicrous high fives or back slapping, just ‘well bowled Charlie, well caught Bert’ or ‘see what happens when you bowl it straight Keith’.
30. The use of saliva on the ball is not allowed. Sweat is also banned but the chances of our bowlers working up a sweat is unlikely.
31. The Umpire, after calling over, will move to square leg at the same time sanitising his pebbles or counter.
32. After 10 overs the scorers, who are social distancing the other side of the ground, will shout ’10 overs’. The batsmen and fielding side will leave the field to replace their batting gloves, fielding gloves and wicket-keeping gloves although the latter might still have a certain amount of sanitizer on them. This will take place after 20 and 30 overs in a 40 over game.
33. The scorers will also sanitise their pens, pencils, crayons, rubbers and laptops after 10 overs.
34. In the event of rain all players, batting and fielding will return to their cars. The scorers will get soaking wet as they are miles from anywhere and the Umpires will be like coiled springs watching the weather from their cars.
Wine
35. If they decide play is possible players will take the field wearing sanitised gloves. Play will continue for 40 overs with breaks after 10 overs.
36. In the event of an opposition player scoring a 50 or 100 (which is likely when Hampshire 60s bowl first), they do not shake their hands or slap them on the back, ‘lucky bastard’ should be used instead.
37. Each player must bring their own tea. Tea will be taken after 40 overs with each Team, Umpires, Scorers socially distancing. The Kent players will be segregated into Players and Gentlemen. The Gentlemen will not be allowed to have their fag serve them tea. Players will eat their cheese sandwiches and water, Gentlemen will have a three course meal and wine.
38. After 45 minutes the Umpires will call ‘Time’ and the opposition will take the field wearing sanitised gloves and boots. The opposition had a left-arm over which led to some confusion when the batsmen ran a two. Both were on the wrong side of the wicket and collided. They had to leave the field, completely sanitise themselves and return to the wicket when a wicket fell as they had been replaced by the next two in the order.
Close of play
39. Play ends after 40 overs. Stumps, bails, circle markers were left for the groundsman to collect. Both teams formed a line facing one another 6 feet apart and gave each other the clap they richly deserved along with ‘well played’, ‘good game’, ‘lucky bastards’.
40. By this time it was 10.00pm, the bar was shut, showers not in use so the intrepid players sweating profusely, Umpires, Scorers got into their cars and drove home in pitch black vowing to return again next week as it had been so much fun.
41. The ECB directive for injured players has been made quite clear. If a fielder is injured with a broken finger, dislocated shoulder or other injury he is to self-administer first aid. If this is unsuccessful he will leave the field, be replaced by a sanitised substitute, and go to hospital.
42. In the event of one of the opposition batsman collapsing at the crease, the Home Captain will leave the field of play, collect his sanitised defibrillator lodged between the scorers knees for safe keeping (her knees had been duly sanitised), and place said defibrillator 6 feet from the collapsed player. That player would then inch his way to the defibrillator, remove the pads, adjust them on his chest and hit the shock button. If this fails and he passes out, one of his team mates should phone for an ambulance. On arrival the sanitised ambulance men would take away the stricken hero on a sanitised stretcher. After a moments contemplation the game will resume with two new batsman at the crease.
Any questions ?
